Defeated

I feel completely defeated, worn down and torn down. Yesterday was beautiful, an afternoon at the beach with Foxy and Tiare. Somehow it all went downhill from there. It always does. Week after week it does. My high never lasts and somehow I always become the bad guy, the one who doesn't try.
I need:
to leave
to go on my trip
to realize I am better then all this fighting
to endure three more finals
to last til its gone