Growing up...

Busy? Busy keeps me from being bored. Busy keeps me tired. Busy keeps me subdued and believe me, that is where you want me. Otherwise, I would tell you to give it up and remind you that we are GROWING up, nothing is the same.

It's funny

No matter how much we desperately want things to stay the same...they don't.
No matter how much we want out best friend to always be there, it is not possible.
No matter how much we want to get everything out in the open, a lie is always the easiest solution.

All I can say is, love her, hold her and keep trying. Keep being everything she needs you to be. In the end, she is your sister and best friend.

Long days...

It amazes me how easily things slide out of view, forgotten and set aside. Things, once so important to us, become unusable and broken looking. They aren't broken and most certainly are not unusable. They just need some polish and looking after. But no, maintenance becomes too much work and we end up discarding rare treasures that if only loved, could last a lifetime.

SIck

I love how quickly sick sneaks up on you. One minute you are fine and the next you are throwing up. Really, it's lovely.

Reminscing

Sometimes people walk out of your life and never come back. Other times they appear here and there to remind you of long ago times, shoved to the back of your memory. I got hit across the face with some of those memories yesterday. Memories of a time where all I had to worry about was a kiss and when I should go to the beach. Memories of walking down pupukea hill with Brittany after a attempted game of hackey sack. Memories of a time where pot was non existent in my life and someone was afraid to let me in.

As I remember these moments I compare them to my life now. Now is so much more complicated but with that complication comes moments of pure and perfect joy that no one else could have given me. Now comes with sunburn and heartbreak and a foggy promise for the future. Now is where I am and memories of the past are just that. They are meant to be left sitting in the dust, occasionally to appear, to remind me how good I have it now.

I almost forgot...

I almost forgot
as I saw the fake smiles.
I almost forgot
that they dislike one another.
I almost forgot
that nothing is perfect.
I almost forgot
until you reminded me.

Even now
I love you.

One day at a time...

Who said life can't be perfect? Blue skys, heat, sand in my toes and old friends. Summer is here and it is beautiful. Adventure is in our reach.

Sunburn

I got sunburn today. Now I have a lovely, white bow on my back.

Apparently Foxy needs a chiropractor. GREAT! More money. I love the creature but she is costing us every penny we didn't spend on buying her. : (

Otherwise, happiness follows.

Summer Begins

Summer begins with a band all right. A D+ in Chem. Yippee right? Here comes summer school.

Everything but what I should be doing...

I really should be studying. Unfortunately, I am having trouble making that happen. I just keep thinking...
Why is everything so one-sided? I mean really, the opportunity was given and TWICE it was ignored. Oh well, be the bigger person, be the bigger person, be the bigger person. I just need to keep remembering that.
I can't wait for summer. Just two more finals and I am free, four lovely months of freedom.

Defeated

I feel completely defeated, worn down and torn down. Yesterday was beautiful, an afternoon at the beach with Foxy and Tiare. Somehow it all went downhill from there. It always does. Week after week it does. My high never lasts and somehow I always become the bad guy, the one who doesn't try.
I need:
to leave
to go on my trip
to realize I am better then all this fighting
to endure three more finals
to last til its gone